Why Life Transitions are Difficult (and how you can grow through them)

Does the thought of going through a life transition automatically spike your anxiety? Me too. And I also get a little sentimental around them, especially this time of year. Maybe it’s the graduation announcements I get in the mail celebrating family and friends (which were extra precious this year!), maybe it’s the parties, the change of season and slower pace of summer. It’s probably all of the above. Specifics aside, the transition from Spring to Summer tends to put me in a more purposeful state of reflection around my own transitions and the growth I have made the past decade.

This time of year is full of transition and change with school ending, people graduating (or not graduating), starting new jobs (or not starting new jobs), moving (or not moving), the change in weather (definitely the change in weather – SO HOT). For me, the excitement of Spring and new beginnings tends to wear off and reality of the new beginning starts to kick in. Like the tomato plants I put in the ground in March, some changes and transitions are so gradual you barely notice it until you look out the window and see a bright red juicy tomato staring back at you. But then there are those that are so fast it hits you like a ton of bricks in the face, leaving you off balance and a with few scratches to doctor up.

Life transitions can suck. But why? Even in the most exciting times, the change can bring with it a certain heaviness that doesn’t get talked about enough. Like the young woman I have on my fridge picture smiling brightly in her cap and gown, there may be feelings underneath that smile that goes unnoticed, especially amongst the uncertainties in our world today. But maybe not! That’s the beauty of the human experience and our resilience.

What are life transitions?

Life transitions are nuanced and gray, differing from person to person. An easy way to look at it is to define as anything that creates changes to your daily life. What might be a transition for your could totally be commonplace for the gal standing next to you.

However, there are a few common transitions that people tend to experience -

• Getting married

• Getting divorced

• Moving

• Graduating

• Getting a new job

• Leaving a job

• Losing a loved one or pet

• Serious illness or injury

• Adding a child or deciding not to have kids either willingly or unwillingly

• Entering adolescence, middle age, old age, etc.

• Pandemics

• Changes in political climate

• Social justice issues

• Natural disaster

• Gas prices, GASP!

Why are life transitions so anxiety provoking?

•  The big “C” word - CONTROL. We experience a perceived lost sense of control from changes we experience creating a loss in our sense of safety in the known. The unknown – whether it is expected or unexpected - is scary to humans. The brain loves familiarity and sees the unknown as a threat to our survival. Yes, the brain is a little bit of a drama queen sometimes (who else can relate!). Whenever we add or take away something from the mix, our homeostasis gets a little off-tilt, making what used to be normal, every day tasks even more difficult. Take, for instance, changing jobs or moving to a new city. Everything is new and the process of having to find new comfort spaces and new routines can feel scary and overwhelming to our internal systems.

• An unexpected transition can make all of the above even that much more difficult due to the immediacy and lack of time to prepare. Examples of an unexpected transition might include an accident, a trauma incident, death of someone close to us, and a pandemic. Unexpected transitions are especially challenging as they may overwhelm our ability to cope.

While transitions affect everyone differently, below are common feelings you may experience -

• Fear

• Anxiety

• Sadness

• Stress

• Loneliness

• Increase fatigue

Including more positive feelings such as:

• Excitement

• Joy

• Relief

Or you may even experience many different feelings at the same time – a double dip!

For many people going through major life transitions, they are simply overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn for help.

So what can you do about it?

• Prepare around the things you can control
  Make lists and check it twice.

• Pay attention to timelines and expectations set for yourself around personal life stages.
  This is the “shoulds” and comparison place. I “should” be doing this, I “should” have this by now. Learning to challenge this linear way of thinking can minimize frustration and stress while helping to increase self-compassion. You are the boss of your own life and get to make the rules around the “whens” and “shoulds.” Phew!

• Remember you aren’t alone! Everyone has gone through a life transition at some point. Reach out to those around you or search resources available to you online.

• Lean on your already established coping skills
  The beginning of a transition is not the time to do a whole revamp in your mental health wellness routine. Remember what has worked from you in the past and hold onto it tightly. Maybe it’s going for a walk, prioritizing that morning coffee in your favorite chair, practicing mindfulness and diving into that comfort show (Gilmore Girls, anyone?). As time passes you may find your coping skills shift a little bit, and that’s okay!

• Establish a routine.
  Routines and rituals are your friends. Set a good morning and evening routine and try to stick to it as much as possible. The structure gives our brain a sense of safety around knowing what to expect. Incorporate old rituals and/or find new ones. The beauty in change and transition are the endless opportunities.

• Reach out to your network of support
  Connect with your family, friends, and communities online.

• Check your self-talk.
  Notice your thoughts and the things you are saying to yourself. Are they compassionate and helpful or judgmental and harmful? Remember that you have done hard things in the past and you can continue to do hard things!

• Be curious and playful!

Transitions take time. Unfortunately, there is no “quick fix” or hard fast timeline of when things will get back to normal. For me, the transitions in my life have been incredibly challenging but have also brought me the most joy – for real! They have been the times when I have done the most personal growth and re-connection with my inner world, my values, and true joys by implementing the strategies above. Hopefully they can do the same for you during your time of transition, change, and growth.

When to seek help

If you feel like you’re getting stuck along the way and finding the levels of distress you are experiencing is impacting your daily life despite using your typical coping mechanisms, it may be time to seek a consultation with a therapist. Contact Real Well Therapy here or call 512-686-7009.

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Therapy can help

If you feel like you’re getting stuck along the way or want more guided support, it may be time to seek a consultation with a therapist. Contact Real Well Therapy here or call 512-686-7009.

Want to learn more about how anxiety therapy can help you? Click here!

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Disclaimer: the information provided in this blog post is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice or a substitute for professional consultation. If you are experiencing emotional distress, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional.