How to Heal Through a Break-up
Life is a series of transitions, and few experiences can rival the emotional turmoil of healing through a breakup. The end of a any relationship (including friendships), both long-term and short-term, can create immense heartache and leave you feeling lost, hurt, and uncertain about the future. The ending of my long-term relationship was one of the most difficult times of my life, but it was also exciting and filled with hope (which also made it confusing to navigate at times). Break-ups are an extremely common reason that people reach out to me to start therapy (and is the reason I started for the first time myself) as the feelings are often overwhelming to our internal coping systems leave us feeling rocky. With the right mindset, tools, and support system (Fife, Theobald, Gossner, Yakum, and White,2022 you can learn to heal and grow through your breakup - no really! Just keep reading to explore effective strategies for navigating these difficult transitions.
Here are a few things that may help you through a breakup -
Acknowledge and process your emotions
Now is not the time to internalize and avoid, although I get that it may seem easier or the quickest way to “move on.” Just forget them, right?! Hmm, I wish it was that easy! I know it can be scary and exhausting, but feeling your full range of emotions will help you in the long run. Common emotions you may feel include sadness, anger, confusion, excitement, relief, and hopefulness - it can also be confusing to feed sad and relieved at the same time…and that’s okay! Make room for the duality. Acknowledging and accepting your feeling can help you heal through them rather than getting stuck in them. Also be mindful of not to pushing yourself into your feelings faster than you’re ready to. It can be a delicate balance between feeling and totally overwhelming yourself.
And don’t forget to bring in self-compassion during the process. This stuff is hard and being kind to yourself will only make it a little bit easier - click here to learn more about how to put self-compassion into practice.
Seek support from your network
Leaning into your support system is so helpful as you grieve a break-up. It’s easy to want to hide away and retreat from others when you’re going through heartbreak. And if you’re a people pleaser, the fear of burdening others with your difficulties makes it that much harder. When you feel this way, try asking the other person if they are able to be supportive or if another time might work better for them. This shows respect for the other person’s time and makes it easier for you to accept their desire to support you.
There are also tons of support groups and online communities with other people going through the same experiences. You don't have to go through this alone and there are people out there who are available to support and sit in the messiness with you.
Reflect and learn from the past
Break-ups are a rich opportunity for self-reflection. Examine your role in the relationship and identify any patterns or behaviors that contributed to its expiration. What went right? What went wrong? By gaining insights into yourself, you can learn valuable lessons and make positive changes for future relationships. You will probably find this to be difficult when the emotions are intense or when you are in the middle of #1 (embracing your emotions). This is when seeking out support from a therapist can really be helpful in sorting patterns from strong emotion and to help zoom out and observe objectively. Relationship transitions present an opportunity to learn about ourselves, our relationship triggers, our attachment styles, our communication styles, and our boundaries.
Connect with your inner world
Not sure how to do this? Start by finding a quite space without distraction and just be. Release all judgments and allow whatever emotions come up to be present. Listen to any inner voices that may be present. You can also connect with yourself through being creative such as painting, writing, dancing, or playing music. If creatives aren’t your jam, practices that allow for introspection can help such as journaling, meditation, or mindfulness.
Ask yourself - "What am I feeling?” “What do I need right now?”
Set new goals and claim your story
It's easy to get caught up in the “what could have beens.” Dwelling on the "what ifs" is a totally normal part of the process and is a way to try to gain meaning. However, if you get too stuck in it, it may hold you back from moving forward. Try setting new goals for yourself and reframe this time as a new beginning and a clean, fresh start. Need help in navigating new beginnings? Here’s a post that may help.
Focus on the possibilities that also exist with change. This can also be a super exciting time! Look at what you want to achieve in different areas of your life -career, personal growth, or relationships - and take small steps towards your goals in the ways that feel good to YOU.
Bottom line
Breakups are rough. They can leave you feeling lost, confused, exhausted, anxious…but this won’t last forever. You CAN heal through a breakup and get to the other side. You may not look exactly the same as you did before, but that’s okay! Be gently with yourself through the process and remember, healing isn’t linear. You will have both good and bad days with both helpful and unhelpful emotions. Reach out to your support system and consider talking to a therapist who can offer support and tools for navigating through the helter skelter of emotions. This isn’t the end of your story.
Therapy can help
If you feel like you’re getting stuck along the way or want more guided support, it may be time to seek a consultation with a therapist. Contact Real Well Therapy here or call 512-686-7009.
Want to learn more about how anxiety therapy can help you? Click here!
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