Why Perfectionism is Giving you Anxiety
Perfectionism and anxiety. Oof. Here we go - have you ever felt the pressure to be perfect and find even the smallest mistakes upsetting? Do you have high expectations of others, expecting them to comply with your standards of excellence, and become upset frequently when they aren’t able to meet these standards? Do also have the same high expectations for yourself and consider it unacceptable to not meet those standards?
If this is you, you’re not alone! Perfectionism is a trait that affects many people and can be a demanding sonofabitch. You might think perfectionism is a good and helpful thing and it can be! But a lot of the times it brings you overwhelming anxiety and stress. And that’s the hell of it. The kicker. Perfectionism and anxiety are like the messy, dramatic friends you had in junior high. When one comes around, the other tends to follow, making messes everywhere like the Tasmanian devil. When you strive for perfection, anxiety is usually tagging along with it. The fear of failure, constant worry about what others might think, and stress of doing everything “right” can create a tangle of overwhelm and anxiety that effects all areas of your life.
Why is this exactly and what can you do about it? Keep on reading!
Unattainable Standards
Perfectionists set incredibly high standards for themselves. Having goals and healthy standards is totally normal and needed to help you move in the direction you want to go and meet the goals you have for yourself. This can cross over into perfection territory when you don’t leave room for any mistakes or road bumps along the way. Constantly aiming for perfection leads to persistent worry and anxiety as it is almost impossible to do everything perfectly. This creates an environment where even minor imperfections are perceived as failure. The reality is - It’s impossible to do everything “right” all of the time. This is f*cking exhausting for perfectionists and leads to overthinking and unnecessary stress.
Fear of Failure
As a perfectionist, you see mistakes as a reflection of your self-worth rather than learning opportunities. This fear can be paralyzing, making it difficult to seek new challenges. This is also why perfectionists avoid taking risks. The constant worry of falling short of your own expectations limits your ability to challenge yourself in new ways and ultimately, your growth potential.
Perfectionists may also fear losing their identities being perfect or looking like they're “working hard” to try to be perfect, “productive,” and like they have their “shit together.” This is often based in a deep rooted fear around self-judgment or what others would think if they were perceived as imperfect or having failed at something.
You may also be afraid that if their efforts don't meet someone else's standards (such as parents or other authority figures), then those people will reject them or deny them access to something desired (like being allowed into college) or needed (like affection, praise, love). For a lot of folks, this is rooted in childhood expectations from parents, teachers, coaches, etc. It is then reinforced by a society that values accomplishments over who you are as a person.
It is important for you as a perfectionist to understand how much fear and anxiety play a role in your decisions, in order to make positive changes in your behavior and in turn reduce their anxiety levels.
Negative Self-Talk
Self-criticism takes up a LOT of space in the inner dialogue of a perfectionist. The brain frequently engages in negative self-talk, using critical and berating language around any perceived mistakes. This self-critical mindset only amplifies anxiety and makes it difficult to show the same compassion and understanding to yourself that you would readily offer to others.
Overthinking
A local favorite around here! Perfectionists overthink ALL. THE. THINGS, leaving out no details. As a perfectionist, you might find yourself analyzing and re-analyzing your choices, seeking validation that you are making the right decision. This constant rumination can lead to a cycle of indecision, anxiety, and a feeling of being overwhelmed by the large amount of choices and options. You then try to minimize error and grasp for the perceived control around doing things right, leading to an endless cycle that is hard to escape.
Check out this blog post for more on how to manage overthinking.
Procrastination
This may seem counter-intuitive, but perfectionism frequently leads to procrastination. The fear of not being able to complete a task perfectly can cause perfectionists to delay starting it altogether. You want to avoid the potential discomfort of failing so you don’t start. This procrastination can create a last-minute rush to meet deadlines or complete tasks, intensifying your anxiety and affecting the quality of your work.
This may be a never-ending cycle that prevents you from making progress. You may push back deadlines in order to complete the task perfectly and to avoid hearing the word "no" or “I don’t like this.”
Comparison and Social Pressure
Perfectionists often compare themselves to others, especially those who seem to excel in their pursuits without much effort. This comparison only magnifies your own insecurities and in-turn, heightens your own anxiety. The pressure to measure up to these perceived standards can be emotionally draining and perpetuates a cycle of constant stress. It’s important to evaluate where these standards come from and if they are they in line with your own values or someone else’s values.
Lack of Enjoyment
Perfectionism takes away from your ability to enjoy things life that bring you happiness and peace. It’s difficult for you to be in the present moment, limiting potential in finding joys in the moment. You’re so focused on the end result that you forget to appreciate the process and the things you can learn about yourself along the way, leading to increased chances of burnout. Dobos, Mellor, and Piko (2024) found a positive relationship between perfectionism, academic burnout, loneliness, hopelessness, and fear of happiness among university students, with maladaptive perfectionism, academic burnout, loneliness, and hopelessness predicting fear of happiness (Dobos, Mellor, & Piko, 2024).
Difficulty asking for help
Because they don't want people to see them as incompetent, perfectionists often don’t ask for help. It is often believed it is because of arrogance or pride, but this is not the case. Human beings need the support of others and we find comfort in knowing don’t have to do everything alone in life. Without this, our anxiety can increase from fears that come with the idea of being and working alone forever.
Bottom line
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having goals, high standards, and wanting to do well. However, if left unchecked this can lead to perfectionism and an anxiety-ridden life. To help reduce your anxiety levels, it's important to understand how much fear and anxiety play a role in your decisions. Developing a healthy perspective on success and failure, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support through therapy or self-help resources can help you manage your anxiety and find a healthier balance between being perfect in all things and maintaining your emotional well-being.
Therapy can help
If you feel like you’re getting stuck along the way or want more guided support, it may be time to seek a consultation with a therapist. Contact Real Well Therapy here or call 512-686-7009.
Want to learn more about how anxiety therapy can help you? Click here!
Don’t miss out! Sign up below for blog updates.
(Don’t worry, I won’t spam you or share your information).
