How to Ditch Perfectionism
In this previous post, I talk in detail about how perfectionism might be giving you anxiety. Fortunately, this isn’t a death sentence or prediction for a lifetime of doom and gloom and there are ways to manage perfectionism. Phew!
Perfectionism effects many people and can become overwhelming if left unchecked. You probably think perfectionism is a good and helpful thing and it definitely can be! It can push you to strive for and achieve your goals and helps you get things done. But my guess is it’s making you anxious and stressed rather than helping.
It's okay to strive for excellence, but not at the expense of your well-being. A study by Filipkowski et al. (2021) backs this up with findings that adaptive perfectionism [aka “helpful] was associated with better mental health, quality of life, and social functioning, whereas maladaptive perfectionism [aka unhelpful] was linked to poorer health among graduate students (Filipkowski et al., 2021).
Keep reading for some tips to overcome your perfectionism and reduce any unhelpful anxiety present as a result…and also when it’s totally to hold on to those ambitious goals of yours.
Common traits and important signs of perfectionism
You can read about each in detail here or here
Setting unattainable standards
Fear of failure
Negative self-talk
Overthinking
Procrastination
Comparison and social pressures
Lack of enjoyment and fun
The impact of perfectionism on your well-being
Anxiety: You can read more about why perfectionism might be giving you anxiety in this blog post.
Depression, feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD/OCPD, read more about the difference in this article)
Procrastination
Impaired productivity possibly impacting achieving your goals
Physical health consequences, high blood pressure, heart problems, and sleep disturbances.
Relationship Strain
Low Self-Esteem
Difficulty coping with failure
Burnout
Ways to combat perfectionism
I used to be the kind of person who wanted everything to be and go just right - whatever image I had in my head of what “just right” looked like. When things didn’t go as I’d imagined in my head, the self-criticism, judgment, and shame came at my fast. Over time, I learned how to stop being so hard on myself (although it definitely still creeps in from time to time)--and so can you! Here are some thing you can try -
Create a safe space to make mistakes.
Mistakes are opportunities for growth and learning. Reflect on what went wrong, what you can improve, and how you can apply those lessons in the future. Mistakes and failures can help get you where you want to be in the long run by helping you pivot, be creative, and let go of what isn’t working or serving you.
This may scare the crap out of you. That’s a good thing! That means your thinking about it. If this is where you’re at, start small. Find a friend and ask for help in a bite-sized amount that feels more manageable and a little less scary.
Embrace imperfections.
Perfectionists have a hard time accepting that things may not turn out how they want them to. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting something done “right”, when you get hung up on aiming for absolute perfection you can sacrifice efficiency and your well-being along the way. If one thing doesn't go as planned during a project or interaction like a presentation at work or a first date, don't let yourself feel defeated — focus on what went well rather than dwelling on what you think bombed. Chances are, it didn’t bomb as bad as you think.
Practice self-compassion
Pay attention to how your talking to yourself (the language your using, the dialogue preset) and try speaking to yourself in the third person to open up space between criticism and response, creating room for compassion. You can read more about how to practice self-compassion in this blog post.
Set realistic standards:
Perfection is an unattainable goal and striving for it can wear you out. To help identify more realistic standards, reflect on your strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. Self-awareness helps you set expectations that align with your abilities and seek feedback. Write this down - flexibility over rigidity.
To put it simply, LET IT GO.
My clients HATE when I say this! They hate it becomes it’s such a simple concept in theory but can be difficult to do in practice. Letting go simply means that we stop holding on to the past and try not to worry about the future. Embrace the present. Accept what has happened in our lives, both good and bad while learning from past mistakes so we don't repeat them again.
Letting go of things you can't change or control involves being able to let go of any negative feelings towards someone or something no matter how hard it may be for you at first. For example, if you’re going through a breakup, instead of dwelling on the bad things your partner did every day for years on end; instead focus more attention towards yourself and getting better at moving forward and coping.
Check out this blog post to lean more on how to regulate overthinking.
Take small risks
Taking risks teaches you about yourself and what your capabilities. You learn that what you fear may not be nearly as scary as you make up in your mind. You learn that your are capable of getting through “the thing” and doing hard things. This then helps you gain confidence in yourself to get through difficult things or when you take more risks in the future.
Learn how to say no.
I can’t emphasize this one enough! If you can take away only one thing from this blog post, let it be this! Learning how to say no is one of the most important skills EVER. As a perfectionist or people pleaser, it can be easy say yes even when you don’t want to.
But saying no means more than just protecting yourself. It also protects the relationships in your life by allowing them room to breathe—and it helps build stronger relationships by letting those around you know that they are valued and respected by you.
Set Time Limits
Give yourself a specific time limit for tasks and projects. Instead of spending excessive time on a single task, trying to make it perfect, set time limits on tasks to help you work efficiently and move on from the task instead of honing in on perfection.
Bottom line
Nobody's perfect. And that's okay! We all make mistakes and have moments where we fall short of our own expectations. The important thing is to learn from those experiences and use them as fuel for growth. Working through perfectionism can look a little messy and will take time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate the smallest of progress.
Therapy can help
If you feel like you’re getting stuck along the way or want more guided support, it may be time to seek a consultation with a therapist. Contact Real Well Therapy here or call 512-686-7009.
Want to learn more about how anxiety therapy can help you? Click here!
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Disclaimer: the information provided in this blog post is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice or a substitute for professional consultation. If you are experiencing emotional distress, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional.
