How To Live Life On Your Own Timeline With Confidence
Do you ever feel left behind in life? That everyone else is hitting major milestones but you’re not? Just the word “timeline” is enough to increase the heart rate in some people. There are others, however, who let their lives unfold without worry or concert with what they “should” be doing like getting a job, getting married, or having kids — they just do what is right for them. But it isn’t always easy! When the folks part of the former group come to me for help managing anxiety connected to societal pressures around timelines, they often have internal dialogues that sounds something like this – “When I was younger, my parents would tell me that if I didn't get on track with THEIR plans for my life soon, they'd be upset with me forever and cut off all contact (not true).”
Even now, as an adult with a job and friends who support them no matter what path they choose--there are still times when it can feel isolating being in charge of making decisions about their own life (and their heart). There are times when the internal dialogue creeps in that they should be doing something different, that they are disappointing a parent or others, or insecurities that they are choosing the right paths for themselves. Where does the idea of “the right” path come from anyway? I challenge you to think about that when you are worried about whether you are on the “right path” in your own life.
If you’re struggling with managing pressures around accomplishing things you’re “supposed to,” here are some tips for living life on your own terms:
Define your values & carve out your own path
Focus on making your own path in a way that feels right to you and in line with your values. If you’re unsure, take some time to get super clear on what you value and want or don’t want in your life. Here is a good place to get started. For instance, if you value freedom, create a life that allows you to do what you what when you want. Maybe explore a career that allows you to go on vacation when you want to. Try out different projects, career paths, or hobbies. If it feels to much, allow yourself to let it go. Get super clear on your goals, desires, and what is important to you and focus on them.
If this feels scary, it could because you’re not used to thinking outside a certain path and expectations you set on yourself either from society or from those those around you. Or maybe you’ve been guided by other people’s opinions about how your life should be lived.
Find meaning
Finding meaning is an important part of being able to identify your purpose, direction, and what you want to achieve in all different areas of your life.
Cultivate deep connections with those around you and put energy into things that bring value into your life. Often times we stay in situations or friendships that don’t serve us because we think they might direct us in a direction towards where we think we need to be - this could look like staying in a relationship with someone who isn’t right for you because you “should.”
Taking time to reflect, create meaningful experience, and prioritize growth and fulfillment can help keep you in line with your own unique, individual timeline.
Stop worrying about how others see it
Try to remember, It's not about what others think; it's about what you think. Taking a moment to create space for you to notice your thoughts and feelings when someone expresses an opinion about what to do with your time and energy is super helpful in remembering to acknowledge your own needs and desires.
If something doesn't feel right for you—if it doesn't match up with your values or your goals—then you need to back away from it no matter what anyone else thinks or what you have written into a calendar or planned out on a five-year spreadsheet. It's your responsibility as the person in charge of your own life (and by extension, your joy) to stop worrying about how others see it, because whether or not they approve isn't relevant: You’re going after what brings you joy regardless of whether or not anyone else understands why you’re doing so
You might pressure on each other by comparing ourselves: "Why hasn't he ever gotten married?" or "Is she really happy with her job?" We compare our achievements with others', often without realizing what our own goals actually are. And with social media – comparison is even more prominent and in your face. But that soapbox is for another time….
If there's something about yourself that makes you feel uncomfortable (like maybe your hair isn't as shiny as everyone else's), don't worry about it! Be true to yourself and don't worry about what other people think of who they think ---you'll totally be fine! Let your frizz and your overthinking and negative, untrue thoughts go free, girl.
Be kind to yourself
Limiting self-judgment or negative self-talk is an incredibly important - maybe the most important - when living your life on your own timeline. It can be easy to bring in self-judgment when you start to compare yourself to others.
Self-kindness is about showing kindness and understanding toward yourself when you fail at something, or when you are hurt (you can read more about self-kindness here). Rather than being critical or judging yourself harshly when you already feel pain, you can recognize the negative influence of self-judgment and treat yourself with warmth and patience instead.
In short, showing self-kindness means treating our worth as unconditional even when we fall short of our own expectations, whether it’s through our behaviors or even just our thoughts.
Read more about the benefits of self-compassion here!
Build a strong support system
Find and lean on your network of family and friends who understand, support, and respect your choices and who you are at your core. If support is limited, put effort in building a support system and community who value the same things and provide understanding. If you’re struggling with finding ways to build a community you can find some helpful tips here.
Stay true to your badass, authentic self
It’s easy to get caught up in what other people expect from you and the anxiety around disappointing others (ahem people pleasing). This can lead to making choices that aren’t in line with your values and what you want for yourself. This can create enhanced anxiety, both gradually and suddenly. It can also make you feel depressed and overwhelmed. These decisions often come from a place of fear rather than love or courage for yourself.
Make sure that you're making your own choices—and sticking with them—based on your own interests and desires instead of how others might react if you did something different. Your life belongs to you! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!
Bottom line
The most important thing to remember here is that life’s a journey (bleck, sorry for the cheese), and it's up to you whether you’re going to sit in the driver’s seat or the passenger seat. You can't control how others perceive your path and I hope this post helped explain why it's so important not only for yourself but also those around us who need our support in making sure they stay true to themselves!
Wanting more? Check out this post from Tiny Buddha.
Therapy can help
If you feel like you’re getting stuck along the way or want more guided support, it may be time to seek a consultation with a therapist. Contact Real Well Therapy here or call 512-686-7009.
Want to learn more about how anxiety therapy can help you? Click here!
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Disclaimer: the information provided in this blog post is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice or a substitute for professional consultation. If you are experiencing emotional distress, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional.
